you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
