Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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