Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
