That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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