i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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