just tell him i said nine months
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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