Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
