theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
