Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize