Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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