he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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