I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
