he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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