fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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