A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
