Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
