Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
