She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
