Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
