just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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