well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
