I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
