So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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