I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
