Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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