for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
