Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
