was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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