i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
