Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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