I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
