I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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