Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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