Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
