It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You did what with his pubic hair?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize