Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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