Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
