her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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