She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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