She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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