JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
