end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
