Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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