Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize