This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
