Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dignity is for republicans.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
