its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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