so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
