I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
