He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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