He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So. Much. Porn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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