I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
