You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
