So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
