Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
