I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
