Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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