it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
