We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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