Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
