Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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