Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
