dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
