420 ftw
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
