i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
These tits shall not be calmed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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