More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
