I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
