Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
