I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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