my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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