Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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