I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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