I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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