is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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