I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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