I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
