So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didn't notice because vodka
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
