They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
